Reactions of children in the parental control

Although parenting professionals have advocated strict discipline and punishment, for parents to monitor their children, they will tell you how your children respond to this type of interaction.  How you feel like a parent and an adult when someone is trying to control you.  That someone can be insensitive to your feelings and respect you as a person.  This is exactly how children feel.  Thomas Gordon, founder of the formation of the effectiveness of the parent wrote a list of the reactions of children.  I would like to share with you today.

Resistant, defiance, being negative rebelling, disobedience, insubordination, sassing Retaliating, striking, contre-attaqué, vandalism hitting, being belligerent, combative break rules and laws lay anger, getting angry, devious hide truth Blaming others, lying tattling, say to the other Bossing or bullying banding together, forming alliances, organize against adult Apple-polishing, soak soft soaping, bootlicking, inclined favor with recalls adults, fantasize, competing daydreaming, who need to win, hate to lose, requiring go well, others seem give bad feeling defeated, rest, fun off the coast of departure, escaping, stay away from home, fleeing, school dropout, cutting classes not talk, ignoring, using written silent treatment adult, keeping its distance Crying, crying;feeling depressed or become fearful, timid, shy, scared to speak, hesitating to try something new Needing reassurance, approval of desperate constant insecurity for sick people, the development of psychosomatic disorders overeating, excessive plan dieters being submissive, conforming, abide; conscientious, docile, apple-polishing, being a kind teacher's pet, drinking heavily, for medicines Cheating in school, plagiarism

As you expect after the parents and teachers in class generate their list and realize was established from their own experience, they are invariably with these comments:

"Why anyone would want to use, if these are behaviors that it produces"?"All these coping mechanisms are behaviors that I do not want to see my children or my students].""I don't see in the list of the good effects or positive behaviour.""If we reacted to the power of these ways when we were children, our own children certainly will, too."

After this exercise, some parents and teachers undergo a 180-degree change in their pensée.Ils much more clearly see the power creates patterns of behaviour very they hate more children! they are beginning to understand that as parents and teachers that they pay a terrible price for energy use: they are causing their children or students develop habits and characteristics considered as unacceptable by most adults and unhealthy by mental health professionals.

Reproduced with the permission of the author of discipline that works: promote self-regulation among children, New York: plume/Penguin, 1989, pp. 78-81).

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Children's Reactions to Parental Control

Although parenting professionals have advocated for strict discipline and punishment, for parents to control their children, they don't tell you how your children respond to this type of interaction.  How do you feel as a parent and adult when someone tries to control you.  That someone may be insensitive to your feelings and doesn't respect you as a person.  That's exactly how children feel.  Thomas Gordon, founder of the Parent Effectiveness Training wrote a list of children's reactions.  I want to share them with you today.

Resisting, defying, being negative Rebelling, disobeying, being insubordinate, sassing Retaliating, striking back, counterattacking, vandalizing Hitting, being belligerent, combative Breaking rules and laws Throwing temper tantrums, getting angry Lying, deceiving, hiding the truth Blaming others, tattling, telling on others Bossing or bullying others Banding together, forming alliances, organizing against the adult Apple-polishing, buttering up, soft-soaping, bootlicking, currying favor with adults Withdrawing, fantasizing, daydreaming Competing, needing to win, hating to lose, needing to look good, making others look bad Giving up, feeling defeated, loafing, goofing off Leaving, escaping, staying away from home, running away, quitting school, cutting classes Not talking, ignoring, using the silent treatment, writing the adult off, keeping one's distance Crying, weeping; feeling depressed or hopeless Becoming fearful, shy, timid, afraid to speak up, hesitant to try anything new Needing reassurance, seeking constant approval, feeling insecure Getting sick, developing psychosomatic ailments Overeating, excessive dieting Being submissive, conforming, complying; being dutiful, docile, apple-polishing, being a goody-goody, teacher's pet Drinking heavily, using drugs Cheating in school, plagiarizing

As you might expect, after parents and teachers in the class generate their list, and realize that it was created out of their own experience, they invariably make such comments as:

"Why would anyone want to use power, if these are the behaviors it produces?" "All of these coping mechanisms are behaviors that I wouldn't want to see in my children [or my students]." "I don't see in the list any good effects or positive behaviors." "If we reacted to power in those ways when we were kids, our own children certainly will, too."

After this exercise, some parents and teachers undergo a 180-degree shift in their thinking. They see much more clearly that power creates the very behavior patterns they most dislike in children! They begin to understand that as parents and teachers they are paying a terrible price for using power: they are causing their children or students to develop habits, traits, and characteristics considered both unacceptable by most adults and unhealthy by mental health professionals.

Excerpted with permission of the author from Discipline That Works: Promoting Self-discipline in Children, New York: Plume/Penguin, 1989, (pp. 78-81).

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Out of Control Teen Daughter, Single Dad Seeks Advice

007Dad on our forum: I am a single parent and my beautiful 15 year old teenage daughter is acting out and I have a good suspicion she is doing drugs or something, but no proof.

I have put her on restriction and she sneaks out, I have tried taking things away and she adapts. Every time we have those father daughter talks, all I get it what she thinks I want to hear.

I have seen snoop software that will record every phone call and text message from her cell phone, and record everything that happens on my computer when I am not home.

I know this sounds a little James Bond. But after hearing about those drug parties that are going on where the kids take drugs from their parents home and put them in a bowl and then they just start taking them, a girl died a couple weeks ago from doing this and this has me extremely concerned. I think the James Bond tactics are more then fair if it saves her life. Please tell me what you think?

Denise's thoughts: While I can understand why you feel the need to get the software, in your case I wouldn't bother. If you think that your daughter is taking drugs and doing things she shouldn't, it's time to act.

Make your rules and the consequences clear. Tell her you are going to start checking up on her, and then do it. Start calling parents of the friends where she says she is going to be and go to the parties and pick her up.

But beyond that, start some preventative action by finding other places for her to be and things for her to do. Activities, sports or a job. Something that takes up her time. Sit down with her and start talking about her future and hand her some dreams about what she can be doing beyond partying this weekend with friends. I always found my teens got very interested when catalogs from technical schools and colleges would come in the mail in their name. Go to the websites and sign her up for some.

Try placing your energy in creating something positive for her, instead of trying to 'catch' her. You're already are sure she is doing things she shouldn't. You don't need to validate that to parent her. Now, if you think she has gone too far and you aren't able to help her past her problems, you can look into Programs for Troubled Teens. Otherwise keep trying.

Asking our community: Do you have some advice to offer this Dad? Has your teen gone out of control? How did you handle it? Please share your experiences, advice and opinions in the comments area.

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