Dealing with Disrespectful behavior

When your child treats you disrespectfully, how does that make you feel?  Do you want it to continue?  if not, think about making some changes iin how you relate to your child.

First of all, you are the parent and should be the one in  control, not the child.  If your child upsets you, you've given control over to your child.  In order to get it back, place the units of concern on your child by using natural consequences.

For every disrespectful statement coming out of your child's moputh, tell him or her she's just let you know he or she wants to do an extra chore to help you around the house.  Then, give a choice between 2 chores and then give a choice between two times they can do it.  The next time your child wants you to do something for him or her, smile and say, "I would be happy to do that as soon as you......."  This could be

1.  Treat me with respect

2.  Do your chores on time

3.  Whatever else you want your child to do.

Do NOT engage in a conversation or discussion about this; other wise you've just been sucked into the unconscious game I shared with you on 8-09-05.

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Twins of the Week: Juliana and Emma

Photo reprinted with permisison of lprodywus.

Fraternal twins, Juliana Michelle and Emma Pearl, were twelve weeks old in this photo. They are identical twins with two different personalities. Emma loves to make noises with everything she does and Juliana is much quieter. Learn more about them by clicking their picture.

? Share your thoughts, opinions and advice in the comments section.
? More Worldless Wednesday Posts on About.com.
? Identical Twin Girls Photo Gallery
? Meet More Multiples
??Submit a photo of your multiples.

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10 for '10: Twin Dolls

In 2010, I'll be posting weekly "Ten for '10" features, top 10 lists about twins and multiples. I'm certainly not trying to rush the holiday season, but it's never too early to start thinking about gifts. Dolls have long been a popular toy for children. One reason for their popularity as a plaything is that they provide an opportunity for boys and girls to role play and explore different identities. Here's a list of dolls and character toys that are twins -- perfect for families with multiples, or for anyone with an interest in multiple birth. Top 10 Twin Dolls.

Previous Ten for '10 Features:

??10 (+) Celebrity Moms of Multiples
??10 Worst Things About Being Pregnant with Twins
??10 Ways to Save Money on Twin Stuff
? 10 Activities for Moms of Multiples on Bed Rest
? 10 Halloween Costumes for Twins

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Creeping, Crawling, Scooting, Cruising: Multiples Going Mobile

One of the most challenging parenting periods for me was when my twins became mobile, at about ten months old. I was just getting the hang of things; they were sleeping well, eating fine, and generally happy.

There's no stopping us now!
Photo reprinted with permisison of Carrie Kaplan.

Then all of a sudden, they couldn't be contained. I couldn't turn my back for a minute! They were as fast as lightning and usually headed in opposite directions.

This phase of babyhood introduces a whole new realm of issues for parents of twins and multiples. Here are some tips on how to handle multiples on the move.

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When Your Child Says, "It's not fair!"

You've just asked or told your child to do something he doesn't want to do.  he looks at you with angry eyes and says, "Its not fair!"  Or your daughter wants to do something and you won't let her do it.  She gets huffy and says in a loud voice, "That's not fair!"

How do you respond?  CALMLY.

You do NOT want to get into an argument or discussion defending your position to your child.  After all, you ARE the parent; you have a right to be in charge; especially when you're dealing with young children and those acting like young children.  Children who say this to their parenbts are merely working at manipulating the situation so they get their way.

I suggest looking at your child calmly and quietly saying noithing else except, "I know."  If your child continues to explain why this is upsetting, you continue saying, "I know."  If your child says something that poushes your buttons, you can smile and say, "Honey, I loe you too much to argue."  Then you should walk away.

This is a great Parenting with Love & Logic technique.  If your voice is calm and quiet, your child can't argue as much--there's no wood being added to the fire of arguments to keep things burning.  Your child will eventually calm down and give up when things don't go his or her way.

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Twins of the Week: Jianna and Gennaro

Photo reprinted with permisison of Maria.

Jianna and Gennaro share a sweet moment. The fraternal twins were twenty-one months old in this photo.

? Share your thoughts, opinions and advice in the comments section.
? More Worldless Wednesday Posts on About.com.
? Boy/Girl Twins Photo Gallery
? Meet More Multiples
? Submit a photo of your multiples.

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10 for '10: Ways to Save Money on Twin Stuff

In 2010, I'll be posting weekly "Ten for '10" features, top 10 lists about twins and multiples. It's always a good time to cut back on expenses and save a few pennies. ?For this week's top 10 list, how about ten ?Ways to Save Money on Twin Stuff?

Previous Ten for '10 Features:

??10 Activities for Moms of Multiples on Bed Rest
??10 Halloween Costumes for Twins
? 10 Stupid Questions People Ask About Twins
??10 Frequently Asked Questions About TTTS
? 10 Childproofing Gadgets to Protect Your Twins

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Postpartum Depression After Having Twins

The period of time following a multiple birth is a complicated time. Even under the best circumstances, mothers of multiples are recovering from the physical toll of a double pregnancy and delivery, not to mention the ravages of a multiple dose of hormones. Add in complications like an emergency c-section, preterm delivery or premature babies, and stress really builds. In the midst of caring for their babies, moms must keep an eye on their own well-being. Postpartum depression is a real issue for moms of multiples. It's important to know the signs and symptoms and seek solutions before it escalates into a damaging situation.

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When your child said, "this is not fair!"

You simply asked or told your child to do something that he does not want to do.  He looks at you with eyes in anger and said, "" its not fair!""  Or your daughter wants to do something and that you do laissez-faire it.  She gets huffy and said aloud, "this is not fair!"

How respond you? CALMLY.

  You do not want to get into an argument or discussion defend your position with your child.  After all, you are the parent;you have the right to charge.surtout when you're dealing with youth and children as young children. Simply, the children tell their parenbts work to handle the situation so that they travelled. 

  I suggest watching your child calmly and quietly saying noithing another exception, I know."If your child continues to explain why it is troubling, you continue to say:"I know ".If your child says something that poushes your buttons, you can smile and say "" Honey, I loe you too much to say. ""Then you need to walk farther.

It's a great Parenting with love & Logic technique.Si your voice is calm and quiet, your child cannot claim both - there is no wood added to the fire of the arguments for keeping a child combustion.Votre will finally be calm and abandon when things does is its own way.

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Guidelines of discipline for three year Olds

Discipline guidelines for three-year Olds by ParentSurvival911 Wednesday, December 28, 2005 08: 48 AM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos

Here are some suggestions to help I hope that your young child learn errors without shameful feelings by them.

  1. If your child has a major collapse, hold your child and he calmly say you go to protect the child until it is back in the control. 

2 Give your chance to calm down children through hugging sit calm or time shipments.Be quiet on how to talk to your child.its maintenance in the part of the thinking of his brain, instead of the part of the lizard.

3 Known triggers get your child angry or difficulté.Supprimer whenever you pouvez.Si child begins to get upset, intervene immediately so that it would worsen your child .comportement is telling you that it is frustrated and has no words for exprimer.Lui give a hug and say thank you to let me know you're upset.

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Questions of meals with three year Olds

Food and meals can become a struggle in her third year of the child.  It is important for parents to establish clear limits and rules so that children learn at an early age how to behave at the time of meal.  Here are some points to consider.

  1 Three years will not learn about table manners.They will be able to learn once they have four or five ans.Votre auto alternate energy waste. 

  2 Do not press on food as a problem. Do not force a child to eat;  its a losing battle.Simply leave the knoiw child if it is to eat it is correct.The next meal will be served to... then by all means, do not feed her up to the next repas.Elle starve starving and learn an important lesson.

3 Offer small portions of food.

4 As soon as your child starts to play with their food, thank rental, you know, is it withheld ' to leave the table.Si he made a scene, telling him that he can inhios room crying or listen to him, who would prefer it pay?

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Ten reasons not affected or Spank your child

Ten reasons for success or Spank your child by ParentSurvival911 Friday, January 20, 2006 02: 32 PM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos Jan Hunt shares many of its parenting ideas in this article.  It gives ten reasons to strike are not your children.  read and see what you think.

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Dealing with the rivalry of the brothers

Lori Radun published an article on the internet dealing with the rivalry between the sisters.  Here are a few suggestions it provided.  Go to the link and read the rest of his ideas.

... "the most important factor affecting the sibling rivalry is parental attitude." As parents, we know that we must treat our children also and fairly. And most of us probably very much try to do, but inconsistencies will always exist. There may be a child, you get the best reason to your personality. One or more of your kids are probably easier to manage what they tend to be more loving you. Children pick up every bit of inconsistency, and they still do not understand why things are different for each child. Older children have more responsibilities, but more independence.A younger child thinks that it is unfair to go to bed earlier that his brother more âgé.Combien times let us the words, "it's not fair!" or "You love her more than you love me."?

I know that you are waiting for the magic secret eliminate the sibling rivalry in your home. Sorry - there is no secret magic, but here are ten suggestions to minimize the tension between brothers and sisters.

Avoid comparisons of any kind - do your children at any time they can be private conversation. Focus on the gifts in each of your children and capitalize on their differences.

Encourage your children to express their resentment or feelings of colère.Cela does not authorize you to shout or hurt each other.Teach your children to manage their anger constructive, not destructive.Recognize and validate the feelings of your children so that they feel understood.Help each child to see things from the perspective of another child.

Have clear limits on the personal effects and space personnel.rendre one rule that nobody is allowed to use property of another person without autorisation.Enseignez your children to respect other personal space - rooms, their bodies, etc.A child must feel at least some of the things that belong to him.

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The importance of Touch

Be affected in a magnet, positively is a primary need for each one of us, not only for children.  However, it is very important for young children to be affected in loving ways to help them develop as the health of human beings humans.  Touch is extremely important for emotional attachment between parents and children.  When you are upset or angry with your child, take time to relax and cool.  Then bring your child near you and find a way to reach him in a way that loving.  Here are some ideas on how to touch your child in a way that rewarding.

1 Put a hand on your cyano hands lotion and rub.

2 Scratch the backs of your child.

3 Give your child a back rub or foot rub.

4 Give Butterfly - fluttering your eyelashes on child's cheek kisses.

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Children and television

by ParentSurvival911 sea January 04, 2006 01: 36 PM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos, I found a great article on children and on television, I wanted to share with you.  It is published on the Center for Effective Parenting web site.  It deals with things children see on television today, some of the effects of watching TV, and what parents can do about it.  Enjoy!

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Reactions of children in the parental control

Although parenting professionals have advocated strict discipline and punishment, for parents to monitor their children, they will tell you how your children respond to this type of interaction.  How you feel like a parent and an adult when someone is trying to control you.  That someone can be insensitive to your feelings and respect you as a person.  This is exactly how children feel.  Thomas Gordon, founder of the formation of the effectiveness of the parent wrote a list of the reactions of children.  I would like to share with you today.

Resistant, defiance, being negative rebelling, disobedience, insubordination, sassing Retaliating, striking, contre-attaqué, vandalism hitting, being belligerent, combative break rules and laws lay anger, getting angry, devious hide truth Blaming others, lying tattling, say to the other Bossing or bullying banding together, forming alliances, organize against adult Apple-polishing, soak soft soaping, bootlicking, inclined favor with recalls adults, fantasize, competing daydreaming, who need to win, hate to lose, requiring go well, others seem give bad feeling defeated, rest, fun off the coast of departure, escaping, stay away from home, fleeing, school dropout, cutting classes not talk, ignoring, using written silent treatment adult, keeping its distance Crying, crying;feeling depressed or become fearful, timid, shy, scared to speak, hesitating to try something new Needing reassurance, approval of desperate constant insecurity for sick people, the development of psychosomatic disorders overeating, excessive plan dieters being submissive, conforming, abide; conscientious, docile, apple-polishing, being a kind teacher's pet, drinking heavily, for medicines Cheating in school, plagiarism

As you expect after the parents and teachers in class generate their list and realize was established from their own experience, they are invariably with these comments:

"Why anyone would want to use, if these are behaviors that it produces"?"All these coping mechanisms are behaviors that I do not want to see my children or my students].""I don't see in the list of the good effects or positive behaviour.""If we reacted to the power of these ways when we were children, our own children certainly will, too."

After this exercise, some parents and teachers undergo a 180-degree change in their pensée.Ils much more clearly see the power creates patterns of behaviour very they hate more children! they are beginning to understand that as parents and teachers that they pay a terrible price for energy use: they are causing their children or students develop habits and characteristics considered as unacceptable by most adults and unhealthy by mental health professionals.

Reproduced with the permission of the author of discipline that works: promote self-regulation among children, New York: plume/Penguin, 1989, pp. 78-81).

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Happy holidays to you and to your

Happy holidays to you and to your by ParentSurvival911 Sun December 25, 2005 08: 59 AM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos is today December 25.  I wish you and your loved ones happy holiday

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Your child said that he accomplished his task and it is not. What do you do?

Your child said that he accomplished his task and it is not. What do you do?

  You have a child tells you that he or she has been a chore and when you check it, you find that it has not been done?  or better yet, you even determine their duties?I have it helps the child you know. 

  I had a 10 year-old who had a laminated the chore chart.All the tasks to do each day were clearly marked on the map so that they might be marked off the coast of all the weekend jours.À wipe off the map and start a new week.  After six weeks, she had not yet one of his tasks was sweeping the patio outside the kitchen.

A normal response would be to give lectures and punish him with a result.If I did, it is just sulk over later in his room, angry at me, instead of watching his own behaviour irresponsable.que could do to get her to reflect on his behaviour? I found something that motivated to wipe out the patio without be recalled .c ' is how the scenario is gone. 

Me: "Emily, you scanned the patio today."

Emily: "no, I forgot (smile)".

Me: "thank you for let me know you're too tired to your your chore."I assume you'll need to go to bed 30 minutes earlier tonight and you'll get enough yet to be able to do the scanning tomorrow.»

Come tomorrow, she forgot to start again the corvée.Je thanked him for letting me know that she still did step to get enough rest and would be going to bed 30 minutes earlier that night previous (1 h) Institute has begun scanning by the third day, and we did not have a problem with it since.

This approach puts units of concern about the child and not the parent.Apprendre to say, "Thanks for let me know..."."It will be you save arguments tiring and frustrating YH ' would like to know how it works for you.

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Dealing with disrespectful behaviour

When your child processes disrespectful, how that you feel?  Do you want it conti EU?  If not, consider m makes some changes iin how you relate to your child.

  First of all, you are the parent and must be in control, not the child.If your child annoys you, you have given your enfant.afin regain control, place concern units on your child's natural consequences. 

For each disrespectful statement outgoing moputh your child tell him or her it was just that you know that he or she wants to make an extra chore for you help in the House.Then, give the choice between 2 tasks and provides a choice between two times, then they can used the next time your child wants to do you something for him or her, smile and say: "I would be pleased to do so as soon as you..."."This could be

1 Treat me with respect

2 Make your tasks in time

3 Any other you want your child to make.

Do engage in a conversation or discussion on it; other wise, as you have just sucked into the unconscious game, I shared with you on 8-09-05.

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The seven keys to child obedience

The seven keys of obedience of the child by ParentSurvival911 Tue 10 January 2006 03: 52 PM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos Anthony Kane, MD has written an article entitled the seven steps for children obedience.  Its easy to read and understand.  I hope you will take the time to read it.

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Ritual bed time: 8-lane battles end time reads

Time ritual bed: 8 channels in the battles of fine bed by ParentSurvival911 game time 05 January 2006 01: 52 PM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos I found a simple, easy-to-read the article on how to deal with bed time battles I village.  It is written for parents of children of younf.

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Dealing with defiance: 9 ways to treat

Dealing with defiance: 9 ways to manage by ParentSurvival911 Wednesday, January 25, 2006 10: 00 AM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos

  Tony Schutta, coach parents wrote a good article to unmanageable children.  I've found the article on the internet and would like to share with you.  It is simple, easy to understand and numbered, making it easier to read.Here are the three first idées.Vous can go to the link to find other 6 ideas.

1 Use positive communication.Try the formulation of your order parents to positively negative relative. For example, if your child says "and then I watch TV now?" instead of simply saying "non.Vous can't."one could say "You can watch TV after dinner". Or "I can tape the show so that you can watch after dinner.

(2) The child to give two choix.Comme parent, you can choose two options that are also acceptable to you and to offer them to your child.The child is less likely to make opposition if they feel that they have a mastery of the situation.For example, you could say, "do you want to your chore before school or after school today."

3 Reflects the feeling child .Parfois showing compassion to children in reflecting on what they feel may prove utile.On might say, "" now you're angry because you cannot complete construction of the Tower of Lego.Il is difficult to leave a project until you are finished, is it not? ""

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Maintain your child's Touch

The entry displayed before the explains why touch is imprortant to all children, regardless of age.  Here are some ideas to improve the key between parents and children of rewarding ways.

1 Hold and caress your child every day.

2 Tuck your child at night with a hug and kiss good night.

3 Hold hands while walking.

4 Play a game of applause.

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Learning to say "no".

Dr. Susan Newman, author of several books of parenting, had a good article on the net, "from learning to say no."  It gives a questionnaire to see if you're a mother "Yes" to one that always gives the requirements of the child.  You can read the rest of the article by clicking on the link.

Are you a MOM Yes?

If three of these sounds vaguely that you, it is likely that your children transform you someone Yes quite easily. It is time to take stock and learn to say no. Your room looks like a toy store. At any given time the divan double as a trampoline, a carpet of struggle, a hiding place or arts and crafts centre. Your child wears his costume Halloween school in February. You are on a base name with McDonald workers. Your child has had her best friend. Your stay up so late that it can fill you six years the monologue of Jay Leno Eve. Last day of your daughter birthday was more elaborate than your wedding. You have three dogs, two kittens and Perruche roam around in the aquarium.You spend most Saturday nights in the movie theatre parking lot waiting for your kids and their friends.You spend Sunday evenings, writing history reports and to develop scientific projects, that you have found subject during dinner .the ' text messaging charge is greater than your cell phone mensuel.Équipement band your child takes two parking spaces in the garage.

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A new way of seeing children

Jan Hunt wrote a vairiety of articles on the children's education.  I found this one titled, "A New Way of seeing Children" is very exciting, especially the last paragraph that reads,

"As Kids Portland (Oregon), Project Director Rick Lahrson written once," problems in children is an attempt to communicate, when everything failed. "" Children have a drive to the love of others and contribute to the people around them. It is time for all children to be recognized as they are beautiful people with dignity and respect that is due to be humain.Nous must establish a new way of seeing children.» »

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Fun ways to improve communication with young children (and those who act young people their age)

For parents who wish to improve their relationship with the children and help them increase their vocabulary, I listed a few suggestions that you can enjoy with your child.

1 Arrested a subscription magazine for your child and read as a whole.

2 Email your child a .Lorsqu note' happens, read to him or her.

3 Singing the songs of origins, especially when you're driving in the car.

4. After a happy note on the door to your child.

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Teach your child the alphabet in Fun Ways

Teach your child the alphabet in Fun Ways by ParentSurvival911 Sun January 29, 2006 12: 11 PM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos Sheila Anderson has published an article on the Internet entitled "teaching the alphabet: 8 fun tips to teach your child the alphabet".  I think you will enjoy if you have young children.  It also has a link to its site which provides free printable materials for parents to use inhelping their children learn the alphabet.

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Whining behaviors at home

by ParentSurvival911 set February 02, 2006 06: 25 AM PST |  Permalink |  Cosmos you note your child is whining about most everything.  Nothing seems to appease him.  You find yourself become irritated by the behavior.  Walk to your child gently touching its ir his shoulder and softly said, "thanks for letting me know you're tired."  I think that it is time for you to go to your room and bed to rest for 30 minutes.  Then, when you arrive, I'll bet that you are whining. "Then you can quietly walk the child to bed.  If supporting starts, simply say, "je t'aime far too much to say."

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Happy new year!

I want you andyour families wishes a happy new year.

MaryLynne

Sorry, I couldn't read the fromt this page.

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Disrespectful. Behavior: How not to deal with it

Disrespectful. Behavior: How not to deal with it

What to do when your child becomes disrespectful?

All the actions listed below ensures that your child is learning a result set:

1 Say, "It will teach you a lesson."

2 Become angry and free reprimand;(d).

3 Be morality or threatening.

4 Talk about too.

Child usually hear you the first place to get angry, fois.Au ask your child how he or she wants to reimburse you for the irrespectueux.Après behavior, is very draining to listen to the child négatifs.Votre words must be nice to get energy back was asséché.En soomething know more about this iin the next blog entry.

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Modify you your parenting technique & behavior is worse

A myth common parents often occurs because they tried a new response to negative behavior by their children.  They think if behaviors are worse, the new technique of parents failed.  In fact, exactly the opposite is true.

If you change your technique parents respond differently to negative behaviors of your child and your child's behaviour immediately gets worse, technique works probably!Don't stop keep doing what you do and behaviours will eventually earned (if you are victim of coherent).

The behaviour of children become worse because they take you seriously when you something différent.En in addition, you have changed the rules of the game without letting know and that they are taken to the dépourvu.Ils will make everything to make you fall, so return you to the old way of doing things - which is not to change their behaviour.

When your child becomes immediately worse, pat yourself on the back and smile - you to something better.

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Prepare your child to read

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LoginUser name:Password: Remember me Create an AccountWhy Create A Reader Account? RSS Newsfeed Main PagePrevious: Dealing with Defiance: 9 ways to handle it Next: Teaching Your Child the Alphabet in Fun Ways Preparing Your Child to Readby ParentSurvival911 on Fri 27 Jan 2006 12:20 PM PST  |  Permanent Link |  CosmosDiane Mascle wrote an article on the importance of preparing your young child to read.  It's called "Preparing Your Child Cognitively to Read."  If you have young children, you may find it useful readinbg. Keywords: children, child Posted to: Main PageTeaching Post a comment No comments found. Trackbacks

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Teaching Your Child the Alphabet in Fun Ways

Teaching Your Child the Alphabet in Fun Ways by ParentSurvival911 on Sun 29 Jan 2006 12:11 PM PST  |  Permanent Link  |  Cosmos Sheila Anderson published an article on the Internet titled,  "Teach the Alphabet:  8 Fun Tips to Teach Your Child the Alphabet".  I think you'll enjoy it if you have young children.  She also has a link to her site where she offers free printable materials for parents to use inhelping their children learn the alphabet.

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Fun Ways to Enhance Communication with Young Children (And those who act young for their age)

For parents wanting to improve their relationships with children and help them increase their vocabulary, I've listed a few suggestions for you to enjoy with your child.

1.  Order a magazine subscription for your child and read it together.

2.  Mail your child a note.  When it arrives, read it to him or her.

3.  Sing songs to gether, especially when driving in the car.

4.  Post a happy note on your child's door.

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Parent's Poll: When Did You Deliver?

One of the most common questions about twins and multiples is, "How many weeks were they?" Many twins and most higher order multiples are born earlier than their predicted forty-week due date. Click below to share your story - how many weeks were your twins/multiples when they were born?

1. 40+ weeks..
2. Right at my due date.
3. 39 weeks.
4. 38 weeks.
5. 37 weeks.
6. 36 weeks.
7. 35 weeks.
8. 33 - 34 weeks.
9. Between 29 and 32 weeks.
10. Prior to 28 weeks.

? What's the most common scenario? Poll results.
? Pregnancy FAQ: When will my twins be born?
? Were your twins born early? Show Off Your Preemie Twins
? Share your thoughts. Leave a comment.

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Nurturing Your Child through Touch

The entry posted before this one discusses why touch is imprortant for all children, regardless of age.  here are some ideas to increase touch between parent and child in nurturing ways:

1.  Hold and cuddle your child every day.

2.  Tuck your child in at night with a hug and kiss good night.

3.  Hold hands while walking.

4.  Play a clapping game.

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10 for '10: Bed Rest Activities for Moms of Multiples

In 2010, I'll be posting weekly "Ten for '10" features, top 10 lists about twins and multiples. Many moms of multiples find themselves facing the prospect of bed rest during the pregnancy with twins or more. It can be a frightening and frustrating time. Boredom and isolation compounded with worries and physical discomfort make the days drag. Here are some suggestions for passing the time while on bed rest. Top 10 Activities for Moms on Bed Rest

Previous Ten for '10 Features:

??10 Halloween Costumes for Twins
? 10 Stupid Questions People Ask About Twins
??10 Frequently Asked Questions About TTTS
? 10 Childproofing Gadgets to Protect Your Twins
? 10 Most Popular Name Combinations for Boy/Girl Twins

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The seven keys to Child Obedience

The seven keys to Child Obedience by ParentSurvival911 on Tue 10 Jan 2006 03:52 PM PST  |  Permanent Link  |  Cosmos Anthony Kane, MD wrote an article  called The Seven Keys to Child Obedience.  Its easy to read and understand.  I hope you'll take the time to read it.

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You Change Your Parenting Technique & the Behavior Gets Worse

A common myth parents often have happens because they tried a new reaction to a negative behavior by their children.  They think if the behaviors become worse, the new parenting technique failed.  Actually, the exact opposite is true.

If you change your parenting technique to react differently to your child's negative behaviors and your child's behavior immediately gets worse, the technique is probably working!  Don't stop, keep doing what you're doing and the behaviors will eventually subside (if you're being consistent).

Children's behaviors become worse because they don't take you seriously when you do something different.  Also, you've changed the rules of the game without letting them know and they're caught off guard.  They will do anything to break you down so you go back to the old way of doing things--which doesn't get them to change their behaviors.

When your child immediately becomes worse, pat yourself on the back and smile--you're moving toward something better.

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Children's Reactions to Parental Control

Although parenting professionals have advocated for strict discipline and punishment, for parents to control their children, they don't tell you how your children respond to this type of interaction.  How do you feel as a parent and adult when someone tries to control you.  That someone may be insensitive to your feelings and doesn't respect you as a person.  That's exactly how children feel.  Thomas Gordon, founder of the Parent Effectiveness Training wrote a list of children's reactions.  I want to share them with you today.

Resisting, defying, being negative Rebelling, disobeying, being insubordinate, sassing Retaliating, striking back, counterattacking, vandalizing Hitting, being belligerent, combative Breaking rules and laws Throwing temper tantrums, getting angry Lying, deceiving, hiding the truth Blaming others, tattling, telling on others Bossing or bullying others Banding together, forming alliances, organizing against the adult Apple-polishing, buttering up, soft-soaping, bootlicking, currying favor with adults Withdrawing, fantasizing, daydreaming Competing, needing to win, hating to lose, needing to look good, making others look bad Giving up, feeling defeated, loafing, goofing off Leaving, escaping, staying away from home, running away, quitting school, cutting classes Not talking, ignoring, using the silent treatment, writing the adult off, keeping one's distance Crying, weeping; feeling depressed or hopeless Becoming fearful, shy, timid, afraid to speak up, hesitant to try anything new Needing reassurance, seeking constant approval, feeling insecure Getting sick, developing psychosomatic ailments Overeating, excessive dieting Being submissive, conforming, complying; being dutiful, docile, apple-polishing, being a goody-goody, teacher's pet Drinking heavily, using drugs Cheating in school, plagiarizing

As you might expect, after parents and teachers in the class generate their list, and realize that it was created out of their own experience, they invariably make such comments as:

"Why would anyone want to use power, if these are the behaviors it produces?" "All of these coping mechanisms are behaviors that I wouldn't want to see in my children [or my students]." "I don't see in the list any good effects or positive behaviors." "If we reacted to power in those ways when we were kids, our own children certainly will, too."

After this exercise, some parents and teachers undergo a 180-degree shift in their thinking. They see much more clearly that power creates the very behavior patterns they most dislike in children! They begin to understand that as parents and teachers they are paying a terrible price for using power: they are causing their children or students to develop habits, traits, and characteristics considered both unacceptable by most adults and unhealthy by mental health professionals.

Excerpted with permission of the author from Discipline That Works: Promoting Self-discipline in Children, New York: Plume/Penguin, 1989, (pp. 78-81).

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Your Child says he's done his chore and he hasn't. What do you do?

Your Child says he's done his chore and he hasn't. What do you do?

Do you have a child who tells you he or she has done a chore and when you check on it, you find it hasn't been done?  or better yet, do you even check their chores?  I would.  It lets the child know you care.

I had a 10 year old who had a laminated chore chart.  All the chores she had to do each day were neatly marked on the chart so they could be marked off daily.  At the end of the week, we'd wipe off the chart and begin a new week.  After six weeks, she still had not done one of her chores which was sweeping the patio outside the kitchen.

A normal response might be to lecture her and punish her with a consequence.  if I did that, she's just sulk away into her room, getting angry at me, instead of looking at her own irresponsible behavior.  what could I do to get her to think about her behavior?  I found something that motivated her to sweep the patio without being reminded.  This is how the scenario went.

Me:       "Emily, have you swept the patio today?"

Emily:    "No, I forgot (smiling)".

Me:       "Thanks for letting me know you're too tired to do your  your chore.  I guess you'll need to go to bed 30 minutes earlier tonight so you'll get enough rest to be able to do the sweeping tomorrow."

When tomorrow came, she forgot to do the chore again.  I thanked her for letting me know she still wasn't getting enough rest and would be going to bed 30  minutes earlier than the night before (1hr).  She began sweeping by the third day and we haven't had a problem with her since.

This approach places the units of concern on the child and not the parent.  Learn to say, "Thanks for letting me know..."  It will you save you from tiresome and frustrating arguments.  let me know how this works for you.           

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Get a Move On! Dealing with Dawdlers

With multiples, sometimes it feels like you're going nowhere fast. It's bad enough getting one child to put on their shoes, pick up toys or head out the door. With two or more to keep track of, it can drive you to distration! Preschoolers are infamous for dawdling and daydreaming, consciously taking extra time to comply with parental requests. With two or more preschoolers to contend with, their procrastinating tendencies can really slow down the household's routine. Here are some tips for parents of twins and multiples, to help discourage dawdling.

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Whining Behaviors at Home

by ParentSurvival911 on Thu 02 Feb 2006 06:25 AM PST  |  Permanent Link  |  Cosmos You notice your child is whining about most everything.  Nothing seems to appease him or her.  You find yourself becoming irritated by the behavior.  Walk up to your child gently touch his ir her shoulder and gently say, "Thanks for letting me know you're tired.  I think it's time for you to go to your room and lie down for a rest for 30 minutes.  Then, when you get up, I bet you won't be so whining."  Then you can calmly walk the child to the bed.  if arguing begins, simply say, "I love you too much to argue."

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Twins of the Week: Lauren and Sadie

Photo reprinted with permisison of Stacey.

Twin sisters, Lauren and Sadie, may be different but they share a special bond. The fraternal twins were 2 years old in this picture.
? Share your thoughts, opinions and advice in the comments section.
? More Worldless Wednesday Posts on About.com.
? Meet More Multiples
? Share Your Story and a picture of your multiples.

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When Your Child Says, "It's not fair!"

You've just asked or told your child to do something he doesn't want to do.  he looks at you with angry eyes and says, "Its not fair!"  Or your daughter wants to do something and you won't let her do it.  She gets huffy and says in a loud voice, "That's not fair!"

How do you respond?  CALMLY.

You do NOT want to get into an argument or discussion defending your position to your child.  After all, you ARE the parent; you have a right to be in charge; especially when you're dealing with young children and those acting like young children.  Children who say this to their parenbts are merely working at manipulating the situation so they get their way.

I suggest looking at your child calmly and quietly saying noithing else except, "I know."  If your child continues to explain why this is upsetting, you continue saying, "I know."  If your child says something that poushes your buttons, you can smile and say, "Honey, I loe you too much to argue."  Then you should walk away.

This is a great Parenting with Love & Logic technique.  If your voice is calm and quiet, your child can't argue as much--there's no wood being added to the fire of arguments to keep things burning.  Your child will eventually calm down and give up when things don't go his or her way.

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Disrespectful. Behavior: How NOT to Deal with It

Disrespectful. Behavior: How NOT to Deal with It

What do you do when your child becomes disrespectful?

All of the actions listed below will guarantee your child not learning the value of a consequence:

1.  Say, "This will teach you a lesson."

2.  Become angry and scold the chil;d.

3.  Moralize or threaten.

4.  Talk too much.

Children usually hear you the first time.  Instead of getting angry, ask your child how he or she wants to pay you back for the disrespectful behavior.  After all, it's very draining to listen to the negative words.  Your child needs to do soomething nice for you to put the energy back that was drained.  More about this iin the next blog entry.

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Preparing Your Child to Read

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LoginUser name:Password: Remember me Create an AccountWhy Create A Reader Account? RSS Newsfeed Main PagePrevious: Dealing with Defiance: 9 ways to handle it Next: Teaching Your Child the Alphabet in Fun Ways Preparing Your Child to Readby ParentSurvival911 on Fri 27 Jan 2006 12:20 PM PST  |  Permanent Link |  CosmosDiane Mascle wrote an article on the importance of preparing your young child to read.  It's called "Preparing Your Child Cognitively to Read."  If you have young children, you may find it useful readinbg. Keywords: children, child Posted to: Main PageTeaching Post a comment No comments found. Trackbacks

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